i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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