1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
