Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
