you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Randomize
