there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
