We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
