using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
