It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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