peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
