Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This baby is an asshole
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
