Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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