You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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