You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
