You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
