The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
