Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
