Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
