you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
