I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
