Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
