she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
