She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
