I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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