Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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