birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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