ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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