i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she smelled like a LAN party
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
BRING THE BAGELS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
