$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
