he thought i was a dude.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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