is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
