I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
