I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
