You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
