Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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