Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
