My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
