Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
