just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
