is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
