found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize