Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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