i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
