U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
