We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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