I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
