At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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