one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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