Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
