cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
