Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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