Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
this will be a night to untag.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
