there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
