Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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