I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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