Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
