Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
