woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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