Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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