Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
