I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
