so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
