he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
