I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
