Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
