I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Drake has all the answers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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