drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
