Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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