Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
