Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
