Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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