i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
