I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
