someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i think my cat just said my name.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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