I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
