Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
