woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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