did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
